Does striving equal thriving?
There’s a tension between being content with what is, and striving forward to what might be. But it might be possible to ‘strive with contentment’ – if we go after the right things
(Photo by Samuel Zeller from Unsplash)
Since the age of 10, I’ve been fascinated by ‘contentment in society’, or what makes a thriving life, and a thriving society. I’ve read a lot about the topic, and even studied happiness at uni in the UK – but until recently, I never thought to ask my friends and family for their perspectives. So the other day I did. I sent a survey out to my social circle via Facebook, and the first question was, “in your own words, how would you define a thriving life?”.
Reading through the results, I noticed a really interesting tension. Between contentment and striving. Between celebrating what is, and pushing forward to what might be.
The people who defined thriving as a sense of contentment talked about the need to feel fulfilled in their relationships with family, friends and community; finding meaningful work, and having enough money to afford a warm home and other necessities, along with a holiday or treat every now and then; having robust physical health, and so on.
The people who defined thriving as striving talked about the same domains of life as the contentment-focused bunch – they mentioned relationships, sense of purpose, health, financial freedom. But the language they used was different. They talked about “positive momentum”, and about “reaching potential, continuously developing”. They talked about “having the mental, physical and emotional capacity to willingly take on challenges”, and living “a life where you grow, not just sustain”. One person memorably defined thriving as when “you are heading towards something, picking up new people and experiences along the way - plenty of mistakes, no regrets”.
I found this fascinating because I think the tension between contentment and striving plays out at multiple levels – at the micro, with neurotransmitters in our brains, and at the macro level, in our society. And I think we need to figure out how to balance the two forces, in order to live lives that work for us.
In our heads
When it comes to what’s inside our heads, there are a number of key chemicals that regulate happiness – including serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins and so on. But today I want to hone in on serotonin, which you’ve probably heard of, as many drugs for depression and anxiety basically work by boosting levels of serotonin in the brain.
Fascinating research published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology shows that serotonin could loosely be described as a chemical that drives both contentment and striving. Because depending on which kind of receptor serotonin binds to, it can support “passive coping (i.e. tolerating a source of stress)”, thus enabling a more content state, or “active coping (i.e. actively addressing a source of stress)”. And the really fascinating thing? Depression drugs tend to work on the receptors that promote passive coping, whereas certain psychedelics tend to work on the receptors that promote active coping.
Now, I’m definitely not suggesting that we all go out and hit the LSD. But I find it fascinating that the meds many of us are taking may be dialling up our acceptance of what is, and dialling down our drive to change the external conditions. Which brings us nicely to… the world at large.
In our society
If we zoom out to look at how things are tracking in society, it feels like we live in times of striving and self-improvement. We monitor our movement, our heart rates and our sleep. Instagram ‘influencers’ peddle lifestyles of yoga on mountaintops at sunset.
(Photo by Eneko Uruñuela on Unsplash)
Those things are all noble – but my concern is that by focusing so intensely on driving change at the individual level, we lose focus on driving change at a social or systemic level. We begin to feel that a thriving life is only for those with the most willpower and nous – and the rest of us will just muddle on in our inadequacy.
But I think there’s value in asking why, if so many of us are struggling, is that the case? For instance, why is it so hard to stay healthy, to move enough, and to eat well? Why do we all feel so busy and tired? Why do so many of us often feel lonely and down?
These are collective challenges, and so we need collective-level actions to change them. In his fascinating book, The Blue Zones of Happiness, Dan Buettner talks about how certain societies are designed to promote wellbeing and thriving. Like Latino cultures, where people spend significant amounts of time each day socialising, face to face. Societies like that in Denmark, where there is less inequality, which helps to breed greater levels of trust. Certain mountain towns in the US where billboard advertising is banned, so people can enjoy the view of nature without the call of consumerism. Other locations where people stay healthy, because nutritious produce is affordable, and the physical environment promotes walking and cycling as ways of getting around.
But these things didn’t happen by accident. People spend time together when they are paid a living wage, and when busyness isn’t glorified. A more equal society is achieved through tax policy, through investment in early childhood and education, and other structural mechanisms. Nature is preserved by central and local government, and by passionate people coming together for a cause – like our young people did recently, for the climate change march. People are more likely to eat healthy food and move more, when the environment enables it.
To me, the really exciting thing is that if we focus more of our individual time on trying to drive collective change, we’ll not only help to change our little corner of the world, but we will feel a sense of contentment at the same time. Because having a strong sense of purpose is deeply rewarding - and linked to better mental health, physical health and longevity. You add value to your life, as you add to the lives of others. You feel a sense of contentment, as you strive to make a difference. I know that sounds like peak ‘Millennial’ speak, but it’s borne out by the happiness evidence - and in the lives of the happiest people I know.
(This post was originally published on the Collective Wisdom blog, which has now been integrated with Thrive Lab)